This morning as I walked by Daphnes room I heard her yelling mommy... I walked in and said what do you want baby. She said "kiss me". I said "I'm not leaving yet". She said "I don't care kiss me anyway!" Melted my heart! She also is using the word Imaginary. She said it means stuff that is not really real. I want to remember all the little things about her when she is little. She is growing so fast!!!!
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What a change of life to fully immerse yourself in the word daily and to allow God to speak to you through his scripture. When you are struggling Jesus is a friend. When life is charmed Jesus is to get all Glory, and when life isn't going your way remember God has an ultimate plan. This year hasn't been very easy and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, but with constant prayer and devotions and wonderful support systems I am more alive than I have ever felt. When I want to wallow in my misery I remember this isn't about me, it's about what I can do for someone else and how God can use me. Beyond ordinary images was a way for me to earn a few extra dollars while my husband is in between jobs, but it has turned into a stress relief of typing out scriptures and living them out in my real life. I am following several blogs including Proverbs 31 and Daughters of the King that have truly given me the words I needed to hear at the right time and have inspired me to write. God gives us an audience and we can choose to use it for good or bad. I know there are many women who have posted thoughts and scriptures that have truly touched my heart so when I post my thoughts or bible verses that is my reason behind it. I chose to share this dream and scripture that it led me to today and I am sharing it again on the blog. I truly believe this was a God thing. Exactly what I needed to hear. I usually forget my dreams. But I woke up this morning and I remembered something about Galatians in my dream. I knew when I woke up I would read from Galatians and this is the scripture I found. My hope and prayer is that this will reach someone who needs to hear it. Doing Good to All- Galations This is my prayer today. Heavenly Father, May I be able to bear my own burdens and fulfill the law of Christ by lifting up others who are caught in transgressions before judging. Help me to deal with my current situation and to remember that in good time we shall reap if we do not grow weary and do not give up. Help me to remember that you are a faithful God and that you will provide always. I pray for others today who may need to hear this same word and I praise you for sending me this scripture and quieting my heart. In your name I pray Amen. 
Every day you wake up you choose to be ordinary or more than that. I have decided to make a conscience choice to be Beyond Ordinary. So when deciding on a name for my Etsy shop I began asking friends and thinking of names that would fit. When searching the internet I came across an image that read " God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling." #beyonoordinary And then I decided that was perfect meant to be, literally and answer from God.
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34 years ago tomorrow you were born. And I know that God designed you for me on that very day.
He gave you an extra dose of patience. When I met you you were a 22 year old boy and tomorrow you will be a 34 year old man. I am so thankful for you everyday but on your birthday I want you to know just how very special you are.
I love you to the moon, forever and always. You are "the one." I have learned so much about being a wife, I know I messed it up for many years but you believed in love and you believed in marriage and for that I will be forever grateful. I will never be perfect but I promise to give you all of my heart everyday forever.
I love that you are tall dark and handsome and that you have beautiful big hazel eyes!
I love that you make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You have loved me when I had a pre-kid body, and a post kid body with stretch marks and rolls and you have never looked at me any different.
I love that you heat my rice bag up every night so I can keep my feet warm! And you make my coffee in the mornings!
I love that you help me with the kids and around the house.
I am so proud of you no matter what and I am your number one fan. You have always got me through tough times by being the strong one. I've always depended on you, but I am learning that sometimes you need me to be strong too.
You set a strong example for our family with your love for God and your desire to remain pure.
When I was 20 years old and you asked me to marry you I had no idea what I was really getting into. I knew I wanted you by my side forever but I had no idea how hard life could get. Because you show me Grace daily and because we have God at the center of our marriage now I am more excited about our marriage than I was on the day we got married. I love my husband. The fairy tale I always imagined isn't real but what you give me is so much greater. It's real, it's true and it has taught me so much.
I love you today and everyday.
He gave you an extra dose of patience. When I met you you were a 22 year old boy and tomorrow you will be a 34 year old man. I am so thankful for you everyday but on your birthday I want you to know just how very special you are.
I love you to the moon, forever and always. You are "the one." I have learned so much about being a wife, I know I messed it up for many years but you believed in love and you believed in marriage and for that I will be forever grateful. I will never be perfect but I promise to give you all of my heart everyday forever.
I love that you are tall dark and handsome and that you have beautiful big hazel eyes!
I love that you make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You have loved me when I had a pre-kid body, and a post kid body with stretch marks and rolls and you have never looked at me any different.
I love that you heat my rice bag up every night so I can keep my feet warm! And you make my coffee in the mornings!
I love that you help me with the kids and around the house.
I am so proud of you no matter what and I am your number one fan. You have always got me through tough times by being the strong one. I've always depended on you, but I am learning that sometimes you need me to be strong too.
You set a strong example for our family with your love for God and your desire to remain pure.
When I was 20 years old and you asked me to marry you I had no idea what I was really getting into. I knew I wanted you by my side forever but I had no idea how hard life could get. Because you show me Grace daily and because we have God at the center of our marriage now I am more excited about our marriage than I was on the day we got married. I love my husband. The fairy tale I always imagined isn't real but what you give me is so much greater. It's real, it's true and it has taught me so much.
I love you today and everyday.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
The two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:8-9
This marks the third half marathon completed in a years time. And that's surprising considering I was never a runner. Yes I played soccer in highschool. But that didn't mean I liked running. I thought I was taking a break from running until Tosha asked me to run the Myrtle Beach half with her. Training started off slow because I was a little burnt out from just training for Savannah. There were times when I walked way too much and wanted to quit. This time we trained with the intermediate program. I'm no longer a novice! This was 5 days a week of Running 3-5 miles with increasing long distance runs once per week. This race isn't about the 13.1 on race day but the hundreds of miles you put in before. Pushing myself each week and trying to keep up with Tosha I hit many prs along the way. Ex. Fastest 5-7 mile fastest 10-11 mile... I knew I was going to PR this time considering my last half took me 2:30 and I knew I could keep my average pace at around at least ten. But my goal was to run it in at least 2:15 and I surpassed that by running it at 2:03:22! That's cutting 27 minutes off of my November time.
I kept up with Tosha til mile 4 or 5. Then I was determined to keep my pace under 10. Turning the corner and passing the Air Force Memorial and seeing wheel chair racers pass on the other side I had an emotional moment. I thought to myself, you have no excuse Kristin kick it into high gear. It was really a beautiful morning for a race and running beside the ocean made it even better!
People may ask why I run or say "that's crazy." But I say? Why not run? Or at least excersize your body and treat it as the Lords temple that it is.
Where did I see God today? On my 13.1 mile run. As I saw the determination in a little boy that passed me or a wheel chair racer. As I saw the sun rise over the ocean or the cheerleaders clapping and providing motivation to keep going. And most of all when I saw the finish line.
I kept up with Tosha til mile 4 or 5. Then I was determined to keep my pace under 10. Turning the corner and passing the Air Force Memorial and seeing wheel chair racers pass on the other side I had an emotional moment. I thought to myself, you have no excuse Kristin kick it into high gear. It was really a beautiful morning for a race and running beside the ocean made it even better!
People may ask why I run or say "that's crazy." But I say? Why not run? Or at least excersize your body and treat it as the Lords temple that it is.
Where did I see God today? On my 13.1 mile run. As I saw the determination in a little boy that passed me or a wheel chair racer. As I saw the sun rise over the ocean or the cheerleaders clapping and providing motivation to keep going. And most of all when I saw the finish line.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6 19-20
A wretched sinner like me. Yes even me. When something is on my mind the best way to get it off is to write about it. I attended IF gathering 2016 and it was a wonderfully moving experience. I have had something bothering me, on my mind for a week or so... And sitting in this conference it came back to my attention. At lunch the other day I began to talk about some of the things the bible says and someone looked at me and said, "you, quoting the bible?"What a wake up call. I'd like to think that I make my faith known to others. But obviously not for this person and it was a slap in the face for me. Yes me, even me who grew up in Sunday school thanks to a loving granny and godfather who insisted and yes me who attended more than one vbs each summer and learned the scriptures and the books of the bible and accepted Jesus into my heart at age 11. Yes me who struggled to continue to be faithful because of the sadness and pain that I felt in my life. No, I don't deserve to have a father who loves me as Jesus does and yes I fail him daily. And no I may not always be a good example and I may let my temper get the most of me and yes I have made some really terrible mistakes. And yes I have let pride get in the way of my need for Jesus in my life. But without Jesus, and a lot of people who love me like Jesus does I would be so lost. Praise God that no matter who you are and what you have done God loves you no matter what, he loves the least of these, he befriends the most unlikely and the most undeserving. And he knows EVERYTHING about me.. And still pursues me. I have lived with guilt and shame but Jesus sees grace. And I pray that I am able to live that people will see what he has done for my life and not be shocked when they hear me share a scripture or something from the bible. I am enough and so are you and if I can pray for you in any way please let me know.
"Sometimes I can't get past the past. That's just the woman I am."
-Kellie Pickler
The truth is I have always wanted to tell my story. Everyone I confide in about my crazy beautiful life says girl you need to write a book. The truth is... I don't know where to begin and I don't know that anyone would want to hear it and some of it is just too much. I recently began following Genevieve Georget on Facebook who is awesome by the way! She posts real life and encourages others to do the same. It's so easy to make a connection with her!! She recommended the book "Carry on Warrior- The Power of Embracing your messy beautiful life" by Glennon Doyle Melton. The title in itself screamed my name so I immediately downloaded the preview and even though I wanted to wait and buy the hard copy I couldn't resist and went ahead to download it on my Kindle. Instantly I felt a connection with the writer and the struggles she faces but I also felt an inspiration to at least tell some of my story.
The truth is. I tell myself you are better than this Kristin, you will rise above what you came from and make something of yourself but the truth is the past haunts me daily.
The truth is its hard to sit in a room of people talking about their parents and how they continue to guide them and their fond memories of childhood and all I can think of is what a crazy childhood I had. Flashbacks of anger from my father; kicking my mother in the stomach while pregnant with my baby brother. My father bringing home a cat, in which I was thinking was my new pet, only to learn he was taking it on the back porch to shoot it. Imagine coming home to a torn up house. Family pictures ripped, tv shattered. Imagine getting kicked out of your chair because you wanted a sandwich instead of hamburger helper for supper. Now imagine speeding down highway 64 while your father chases the car and rams into the car and nearly kills his whole family. There were good memories, but way to many detrimental moments. When I think of my childhood I want to think of climbing trees and building forts but this is where my mind wanders.
Always scared for my life. Pretty much how I lived my childhood. I slept with the covers over my neck because I was afraid someone would cut my throat in my sleep. I shut myself in my bedroom and sang Leigh Anne Rimes to the top of my lungs to drown out the world outside. Music saved me.
I no longer live my life scared of what may happen next. I refused to spend time with my father after my mother left to live in Texas when I was 15 years old. I didn't realize it then, but a 15 year old girl needs her mother. Thank God for my two wonderful grandmothers and my Godfather who pushed me dealt with me in some of those awful teenage years, they deserve a medal.
I think about how it ain't fair
That you weren't there to braid my hair like mothers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom like mothers do
-Kellie Pickler
When she finally came back to North Carolina when I was 20 years old I was about the be married. She had some of her own personal issues she was dealing with and didn't make it to my wedding. We've gone through ups and downs she has had good days and bad days. The last year has been little or no contact and Christmas this year is going to be sad.
This 29 year old woman still needs her mother.
I had a sense of relief not having to see my father. If I thought he was near my immediate reaction was to run and hide in a closet. No one should have to live in fear of the next outrage.
When I say the struggle is real it is no lie. Daily life is a struggle. A constant argument; myself versus myself. Today we are going to survive. No today we are just going to throw in the towel. I deal with kids on a daily basis who struggle and I hope they can rise above and make something of themselves. But I know the truth is no matter how far you may rise above you never escape where you came from. Part of where I come from made me who I am today In a good way. The other part will never let me out of its grip. Most of my life I have used it as an excuse to push harder, prove I'm better, but reality is its not easy.
Imagine.. The genealogy. Maternal Grandfather alcoholic who burned in a fire. Father, many anger issues and bipolar/manic. Heredity is a bitch.
The problem is there was still a problem, I was left with a hole. When you don't forgive people, you carry that around with you forever, and constant nagging inside your soul. I lived with Hate and anger in my heart until I was 28 years old.
One day while my father was operating a Tractor he fell off paralyzed from his waist down. He was sent to the hospital and placed on an iv and diagnosed with MS. Years of anger and hate made it difficult for me to sympathize, but in the end he was my father.
Learning of my fathers MS caused me to reflect. If something were to happen to him I would be sad that I didn't ever reach out to him. He had never met his two grandchildren and it was a difficult decision to have them near him. After all, he had let me down and the last thing I wanted was to let him in our lives again only to be disappointed. But the torment of hating and holding a grudge for all these years mixed with fear that something might happen to him caused me to open my heart. We went to visit him and he was able to meet the kids. I'm still so hurt over the years of pain in my childhood but forgiving him helped me heal my heart, just a little.
And I’ve cursed your name
I’ve tried to numb the pain
There’s no whiskey, there’s no pills
To change the way it feels
And I’ve prayed and prayed
For it to go away
There’s only one thing left for me to do
I forgive you
-Kellie Pickler
I've used a few Kellie Pickler lyrics in this blog entry. 10 years or so ago, when Kellie Pickler was first on American Idol I watched her story, it brought tears to my eyes. And I've followed her since. Her story was so much like mine and yet she was making something of herself and going places. I'm not trying to be some kind of crazy superfan or anything but it's the truth. When you connect with people you just do. I even made it to Nashville myself to try out for American Idol, but not as much luck as Kellie! As I said before Music heals me. and the Album "The Woman I am"- is like everything I ever wanted to say but Kellie said it for me!
We took our first trip as a family of 4 to the zoo this Memorial Day weekend. It was a beautiful sunny day and we enjoyed the time together. Even if I had just ran four miles that morning.
We began our trip in Africa seeing one of my favorite animals, the giraffe. Jackson looks at the animals for about two seconds but usually is more worried about the viewing binoculars that take your quarters.
We also saw the lions which were up walking around which is unusual. They are really a majestic creature.
In North America my inner environmental education teacher came out and I was trying to teach Jackson to identify the poisonous copper head. The strangest thing was happening... The copperhead and eastern diamond back rattlesnake had their heads side by side. It was so strange I wondered why that diamond back didn't try to bite his head.
Jackson said his favorite animal was the puffins. He was asking about "kid zone" all the way from the start of Africa until we reached North America.
We took snacks and stopped for a quick rest in the African plains.
When we reached North America the grizzly bear was chillin in the pool to cool off. It was adorable. Daphne's favorite part was watching the seal swim by. She pretty much slept through the rest of the trip. Jackson also climbed up to the new tree house that they have built for children and played dress up in the playhouse.
All in all a fun field day filled day. Hot but fun!
Road trip.
Just when I think I'm out of tears. I see this pic. Most of my memories of Robbie are the things Dena talks about and ever since Ive known her pretty much every conversation involved him. Ex. Robbie made this for me or Robbie got home from work and we snuggled and I didn't want to come to work, or Thanks for bringing the brownies Dena, no thank you Robbie lol Cause we all know he is the one who baked them and brought them to school. Robbie was a great husband to my friend and to see her lose him has been really hard! Those of you who know Daphne know that she doesn't go to many people.. But she liked Robbie... I wish I had a better pic where u can see his face but when I think of Robbie I will always remember how happy he was the day Rowdy was born and what a proud Daddy he always was. Dena, you gave him all he ever wanted, have a son and name him Robbie. This is never going to be easy but I love you and I am always here for you.
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